Updated: Apr 23, 2019
SHE LEADER Guest Post from Influencer, Advocate, Speaker, Blogger, Lyricist - Rachel founder of Notes from R. Sharing the beauty she has discovered in the periphery of pain. We are so grateful to have your wisdom and voice here xx
''Darling you are going to have some things that you never would have handpicked. If you are in a season of hard and horrible I’ve been there and I’ve more than gotten through with time.''
What does time provide? Time heals and time provides opportunities to seek silver linings, beauty from ashes and it weaves, layers and wraps you in strength, peace and a better quality and appreciation of your life.
What would I know about pain and hard? Think leaving a marriage because of domestic violence and being abandoned by my family, having two extra children through the foster care system that were then removed from my family and bounced all over the place, having a child have a near drowning incident and knowing that there was something seriously wrong with her and banging on doors for months before getting a diagnoses (which then resulted in her having significant brain surgery), a call into Christian Ministry, and everything in the natural looking waaaaaaay different to how I thought it would in this season of my life!
Now that I’ve got your attention and you know I have had crisis I also need to mention that I have been leading and case managing other people in crisis most of my working life in my roles as Police Officer, Child Protection, NGOs, Prison, Foster Carer, and in Chaplaincy and Wellbeing at a school site. I’ve also had a stack of volunteer roles in community and church that have also involved leading and caring for people in crisis. So now you can reconcile my passion and my gritty, grunty tone because I want you too; to get all that time provides after crises.
Darling I never, ever, ever would have handpicked so many of the things that now encompass so many chapters of my story, but listen to me and hear my heart, motives and agenda in writing to you; if something from my story can save you pain I want you to have it, take it and use it to build your best you!
''Because your story is not over and there are things deep inside you that you have some awareness of; but there are also many amazing things to come that you do not know about yet! Promise!''
Firstly I want you to know that I am good and that I am always good - now. I’m in the best frame of mind and mindset I’ve ever been in my life - now. My life is not perfect - actually some of my life domains are far from it, but, I’m confident and at peace that they will evolve and fill; and on the way to getting there I’m going to enjoy my life! Secondly, I’m the happiest, most peaceful and strongest woman you’ve ever met!
How do I know? Because I’m told this several times a week. I share my story (which is a miracle in itself because I used to be a fiercely private person) and now I own that title because I hear it several times a week. ‘Rachel you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met’ ‘Rachel I wish I had your faith.’ Hmmm. Wishing and admiration is well... not enough. I’ll give and gift what I’ve learned with anyone but there’s no negating the hard work to getting here.
Yep.. Getting here has been hard. Hard work and taken time. And I’ve gotten here from doing the hard work but also because of faith and good people. Lots of new people.
''Darling get some new people – who see something in you, love you unconditionally, cover over you, support you and are kind and fun.''
Get rid of toxic, manipulative, controlling, unsupportive and negative people. These people will not serve you in your season of hard and horrible – more than that they will add extra trauma and slow you journey through this time. You don’t need this – you need people to hold you; your heart, your hand, your soul and your calling with integrity and love. If your people are not doing this – don’t see more than whom you are in this crisis and don’t support you, listen to me: get new people.
Make that call, send that message, organise a catch up and connect in new spaces. New provides a slip stream and accountability. New provides fresh perspective and dilutes emotions. New provides a step forward with new insight, awareness and understanding that there is always someone going through worse and that you are not the first person to have ever gone through the things that you are currently confronting.
And shut down any pity party. Yep if you are negative you can’t move. Start a positive internal dialogue and cover yourself with positivity. It is what it is. Shut your mouth and be determined to leverage it and not let it take your life. Leverage your situation by sitting with and listening to others who have been what you’ve been through. Listen to what got them through; what they did well and what they could have done better.
''Take these tools and keys and use them. These things will enable you to get some incredibly beautiful things that are in the periphery of your pain and hard. Promise.''
That’s right; you too can extract all sorts of provisions, peace and power from the things that are causing you pain and hard. And darling you’ve got to do some of the hard work to get these things. I’m not going to sugar-coat it - my gosh is there hard work involved to get these things! But they are there deep inside you and close around you - so do the hard work! Be belligerent about getting them because they are absolutely everything and set you and those close up for your next.
And darling put these things in your phone – exercise, eat well, nurture you, meet new people, journal your pain, make an appointment with a coach/doctor, set some goals, tell someone your goals and find something to make you laugh. You might not be able to do them all at once and they are not all going to be easy or make you giddy the first - or even the hundredth time - you do them but little by little they graft in all the good stuff. I eat oats every day for breakfast and it still tastes like mud most of the time but I do it because I know it’s good for me. Good personal and spiritual habits and good people are everything. Get these things in your life!
''Darling its time to look after you; all of you. You cannot neglect your body, soul and spirit - especially if you’re in crisis.''
I’m praying for you, believing in you, championing you. If my journey could teach you anything its that the passing of time provides.
All the love
Notes from R.
To discover more of Rachel's work unpacking life's pretty painful moments in pretty dresses, and pretty hair visit notesfromr.com.au She is truly a voice of a generation and passionate about setting women free. A true SHE LEADER who we love and hold dear xx